New Job - Good or Bad?

How long do I give a new job before I deide it's not quite my cuppa?

So far in my life I have had around 30 jobs and I was really hopiong that job 30 (of whichever one it is) would be a real keeper.

Essentially, I like it. The other people in the office are nice and the work is nice, but there's not much of it. And althougth I check my mail like everyone else, I really don't feel I can just sit a surf the net if I dont have much on. Especially as I have only been there a month. So that leaves me with one option. Trying to look busy when I'm not. And that has got to be so mch harder than actually being properly busy.

I don't think it helped that today everyone else was really busy so I didn't want to pester everyone else asking for things to do - because 1, it justs adds to their workload and 2, it's going to piss them off if they 're rushing around like blue arsed flies.

On balance - how bad can it be. There's no doubt that being unsettled at work is only contributing to my gloomy state of mind at the moment!

I'm not running today because I've had a bit of a cold and want it to shift so I can get a few miles under my belt. The Illminster 10k is only a couple of weeks away so the last thing I want is to be battling with a cold and squeezing in last minute preparation.

DAILY SUMMARY

• WORK: Dull as you like
• WEATHER: Calm (but def before the storm - winter is on it's way)
• MOOD: Non descript. Very hungary!

Sunday Ramblings

It's the most beautiful autumn morning today so I've opened all the windows and sat with my book and a cuppa in the lean-to thinking how nice it was to just be. Yesterday, I was so down about my life and today, I am feeling much more at peace with the world.

Yesterday, I had the overwhelming feeling that my life so far has been a nothing. I haven't managed to have a big career and I don't have a family. Lou is getting married and Lynne has got an even better job and Cara has a beautiful little girl. I can honestly say, that the prospect of a career and all the stress and pressure that goes with it doesn't seem like a great way to live. But I do feel that I want to do something valuable. Amy is a midwife - not many more jobs that are as important as bringing a new life into the world, are there? Ah poor me! Get the violins out.

I know that the grass is always greener and this morning as I sat in the peace and quiet of my lean to I realised how lucky I am to have a roof over my head, a job and a supermarket where I can pick up some food. I'll never be a rich person unless I have an amazing wind fall - unlikely. And that doesn't worry me. But I don't want to be on my own anymore. But what I would really like is to have the peace and quiet while I wait for the rest of my family to wake up and come downstairs to have breakfast. Andrew always says that we could have a baby tomorrow, but, even after all this time, there are warning bells with Andrew. Still haven't met his friends or his family. My intuition tells me that there is something wrong and I'm not generally a suspicious person so I'm going to pay attention to it.

From that paragraph it would be easy to imagine me as a person who keeps themselves to themselves, but even though I enjoy my own company, I also spend alot of time with friends and have as much of a social life as I need. Pub in the evenings, guitar lessons and meeting friends for coffee.

A friend died last week and it's it's funeral on Tueday. The friend died at home. He was fine one week and then the next week his sister finds him dead in his flat. There was no protracted period of illness but he was alone. However much of a positive spin you put on it, death is always sad. I don't want to be someone who is alone. I want to share my life and Andrew is so keen and I don't want to let him go because, for the first time I am fear the prospect of being alone. I'm sure that's not just my fear though. No one would wish for that.

I think everything always seems fine from the outside. I'm independent and happy with my own company. I think the only solution to my current low, is to pick myself up and sort myself out. If I want to do something valuable, then I need to get on and find something of worth to do! And with that, I'm off to have a shower and then off to the shops to tick of number off number one on my list.


DAILY SUMMARY

• WEATHER: Cool, still and fresh. Lovely!
• GUINEA PIGS: Clean and fed
• MOOD: Thoughtful
• BOOK: Continental Drifter - Tim Moore
• TUNE ON GUITAR: Good Riddance (Time of your Life)
• ON THE CARDS FOR TODAY:Shopping (Boo) Cleaning the Bathroom (boo also)
• KNITTING PROJECT: Scarf for childs Christmas Pressie

I'm not sure I'm settling into my new job as much as I would like to. The place is lovely, the people are great but it's the work itself. I have to deal with people who are so far up their own arses eveyday. People who thik that they are so important that to relinquish any bit of power for the greater good would be totally unreasonable. They are so full of this self importance that they want the best hotels, flights changed at the drop of a hat. Many are stand in head teachers and from what I can gather that it a role that is like running a business. But for some reason these people seem to make an absolute hash of it. There's no attitude that these peolpe are working for a business and have to keep costs down because of the ottom line figure. The want the best because they are so important. Who cares about the bottom line? Certainly not the consultants. In any other industry, they would be given a kick up the arse.

The whole industry runs on meeting after meeting (but try and get a space in their diary for another meeting and of course there is no room). And these meetings are to discuss woolly policy rarely with output.

And the paper they get through - expensive and antiquated. I just want to kick these people up the arse and tell them top get with the times!

DAILY SUMMARY

• Pants - Grumpy but georgeous
• Mood -Fiesty
• Guinea pigs - prob a bit chilly
• Weather - rainy and starting to get much colder

Wasted Day?

Two entries in one day. I haven't ran today. In fact all I have done is caught up with the housework, the food shop and the washing, watched a film (and really watched it - not just on in the backgroud while I get on with a million other things) and just enjoyed my own company. By the time the evening has come round, I was wondering if I have wasted my day but sod it, I've really enjoyed it and I'm ready for a week at work!

How is Primark so Cheap?

Yesterday my friend and I pottered around town after a slightly beery lunch and wandered into Primark. I've been in and out of Primark but never been a real fan because I can't face the inevitable jumble sale rummage needed to find the right size or that by lunchtime there has been such a frantic bun fight that half the clothes are off the islands and hangers and strewn across the floor.

However, yesterday, I was cajoled into a visit by a friend who is a Primark devote. I ignored the screaming kids and stuff on the floor and the miserable sales assistants and found a few things that took my eye. quite a few actually. By the time I was ready to head to the checkout my blue collapsible carrier thing was fairly weighty (pant and vest set, 2 bra and pant sets, 2 bras, 2 pairs of pants, 2 t-shirts, a pack of socks and a fitted sheet for a king size bed). The total £33. It struck me at the time how cheap that was and I even passed comment to my friend. Surely the only way that Primark can sell those items to the consumer so cheaply and stay in business is by getting them made cheaply in the first place. Surely a sweat shop has been involved.

Just with one Google of 'Primark Sweatshops' it became apparent that this exactly how they and Asda and tonnes of other 'it's too good to be true' type shops offer clothes at such cheap prices. Ethical issues are generally close to my heart, but somehow my eyes have been closed to this whole area. But not anymore. For just one of hundreds of articles http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=421227&in_page_id=1770


DAILY SUMMARY

• MOOD: Calm and Collected although with a hint of guilt that I haven't done any gardening
• WEATHER: Rainy and cooler
• GUINEA PIGS: Snuggled in their hutches
• PANTS: Woolworths (and I don't believe for one second that's better than Primark)

Life Through New Eyes

It's been a while since I wrote last because I've been so busy.... new job, family stuff and the usual ups and downs with the boy.

The job is going well and I'm enjoying the completely turnaround in my lifestyle. My car is only used every now and again so my previously troll sized carbon footprint has shrunk a few sizes.

But apart from that I have really noticed an improvement in myself for having more time. When I took the job, I had thought about all the practical things that more time would allow me to do. I thought I might get round to the ironing for a start. But, the reality is that I have got the time to do the ironing, but I'm choose not to. Instead, I spend more time running and swimming and sleeping. And I feel better in myself. I'm happier and appreciate life more instead of ploughing on and just passing through life without even noticing anything - I could even get through the day without acknowledging the weather.

I also thought I would have time to cook myself a proper meal, but so far, I have had time to catch up with friends and grab a packet of crisps with my beer at the pub.

This new outlook on life has also allowed me to step back and look at the man situation with refreshed eyes. I feel more patient and understanding with his situation. And, I've been trying to see things from his point of view. Trying to remember what I've explained and what I haven't. Bear with me and I'll run through a potted version of events. Met the Boy and became friends. He was married. (You can see where this is going, can't you?!) Became more than friends. He promised the earth - would leave his wife etc, but it never happened. I was patient for years (2 and a half to be precise) and for all that time his friends and family had no idea who I was. He even moved in for 6 months as he explained to me that he needed to be out of the marital home to start the separation process. Still nothing. He still didn't tell his parents.

Now I feel like a mug and I don't believe what he tells me. He's told me that he has moved back in with his parents but I have to admit that I don't really believe that either. All I have is his word and that has never been very reliable.

Anyway about 3 months ago he started to check up on me - just happen to be running past the pub when I was coming out to see who I was with. If he didn't like who I was with (ie if the group included a man) leave vile messages on my phone telling me what he thought of me in no uncertain terms and then call to apologise the next day.

Standing back and assessing the string of events objectively, I must be a mug to put up with it. But when he's being normal, he's lovely. It's hard to be without him, but it's also hard to be with him.

DAILY SUMMARY

• Pants: 'Flaunt it'
• Weather: Autumnal
• Guineas: Cross because I haven't got them dandelion leaves for ages

Saying Goodbye

Another heart to heart with the boy yesterday. Actually, he spnds most of the time lecturing me on how he would like things to be and how things will change.

Still don't know if I believe him. I really wish I could. I also wish he'd stop dragging up the past, but then he probably wishes that I would do the same.

Amy flies back to Oz tomorrow. The month she's been here has flown by. It feels like she's never left and it's going to be really painful to say goodbye to her. But this time, I'm making a vow not to leave it so long next time.

Bit of a hangover from a Sang Som session at Jude's last night. Good night to catch up with her and Lynne. Possibly had one beer too many though and there was no way I would have been able to make it out for a run this morning. The plan is to swim this evening instead.

In need of an adventure so I'm going to start making plans to cycle to Padstow. This may well be a separate blog altogether !


DAILY SUMMARY

• WEATHER: Overcast
• MOOD: Hungover and irritable
• PANTS: No idea. Put them on in a tired and hungover haze this morning.
• GUNIEA PIGS: Neglected

Moving Gravel is Bad for the Soul (and the back)

I'm not in the best of moods this afternoon. Generally to do with men but also to do with the large pile of gravel that has been delivered this afternoon.
On the man front, my relationship is really getting me down. The main points of the relationship are as follows:
I was friends with a guy at work and the relationship developed but he's married
He was unhappy and we had a good time
He never wanted to brave telling his parents or friends.
I didn't want him to move in all the while I was a secret.
He still lives with his wife - we've been seeing each other for 2 and a half years
We are both in the wrong, but I am starting to feel resentful that he has never sorted himself out.
Even if he promises me that he'll sort himself out I doubt he will.
If he does, then will it continue to be one big lie ?
I finish with him and he comes back and promises me the earth and I let him back in.
Yep that seems to sum it up.
Disaster.
The more I move the gravel, the more I think about it. And the gravelling makes me think about things like ...
Do I wait for him to sort it out?
Will he ever sort it out ?
What if he meets someone else - would he ever be able to tell me ?
Anyway, back to shifting the gravel and that has it's own problems.

DAILY SUMMARY

• WEATHER: Roasting Hot
• MOOD: Bad
• PANTS: Cheeky Monkey
• GUINEA PIGS: Hiding from the sun

Handing in my Notice and Crying

Handed in my notice yesterday. Held it together and all went smoothly until he scribbled D leaves and then I burst into tears.

I'll really miss it there, but then, om the way home today, I was stuck in traffic as the world and his wife made a B-line for the west country reality set in and I was very happy with the decision. Walking to work and back. Absolutely no reason to get stuck in a jam. Only have to slow down to window shop or go to the pub on the way home.

With all this extra time this new job is going to give me, I'm going to do something new. Perhaps an art class or a new sport. I could even get an extra job in the evening to pay of my credit cards. Perhaps that's pushing it.

No work tomorrow. I'm having some quality time with my sister. It's only a week and a half until she goes back. The strangest thing about having her here is that it almost like she has never been away. She pops in for a coffee, dividing her time up between here and mum and dad's slotting in a few other visits wherever possible.

It's when I come to say goodbye to her again. That's when it's going to hit hard. I wonder when I'll see her again? Next year? The year after? I dearly love seeing her but feel a little bit of resentment at having to commit every holiday (and every penny) to going to Australia. I chose to live close to the people I want to see so I can see them. It would be great to set up life somewhere exotic but I suppose different things are important to different people. Committing all my 'spare' income on going to the other side of the world is a hell or a committment. Selfishly, I would like to take holiday somewhere new. A good solution would be a half way holiday. Quality time, not so far on the plane. Thailand maybe ?

Anyway off roller skating along the sea front now.

Daily summary

• WEATHER: Sunshine and fluffy white clouds
• PANTS: red and yellow stripes
• MOOD: Not particularly good but no reason

No Blogs but New Job

So much for writing a daily blog. My sister arrived from Australia and since then I've been sidetracked. But, I have a day off work and Sis and Dad are having some quality time so I get to catch up on a few things - blog included.

I've got a new job. My existing job is a cracker and I couldn't ask for any more from employer or job but there are other fall backs ; the two and a half hour commute for a start(that's round trip not each way) With an 8am clock-in, I need to be up a 5.30 everyday. That's the middle of the night isn't it? The car share cuts down on the fuel costs but I find it difficult to be sociable first thing in the morning. Ontop of all that rising fuel prices and the threat of a pay as you travel road tax are looming and I could find myself in a position where I can't afford to go to work. Oh, and the factory is up for sale.

I was only half looking due to the perfect job situation, but if an reasonable offer came up closer to home then it would be brilliant. A friend mentioned that there may be a job going at her place and to send my CV etc. Duly sent my CV but didn't really think that anything would come of it, even when they asked my to come in for a chat. But, as of last Friday, I've got a new job. Now I have the ominous task of telling my boss.

Ironically, I used to work for the same guy (same company) and handed my notice in to travel the world. He changed jobs and asked if I would like to go back and work with him and of course I did or I wouldn't be handing my notice in - again. Even though I have the day of today, I am thinking about popping up to work and doing the deed.

Anyway, my original plan today was to do some gardening (yawn) but it's just a bit mess of sand and bags of soil at the moment. So far, rain has saved the day and I can't do thing. Might go to the garden centre and have a coffee. Ease myself in gently. Best way with gardening. This particular garden centre is a mecca for old people and I've become quite deft at dodging the coffin dodgers. Mind you, a few years ago, I wouldn't have even entertained visiting a garden centre on my day off.

I s'pose I'd better hop on the shower and make a start on my day.

DAILY SUMMARY

• WEATHER: It's raining, it's pouring
• PANTS: Cheeky monkey at the moment, but just about to get in thr shower so I'll be able to treat myself to some clean ones !

First Blog

Well overdue catch up with best buddy Lou in bar this evening. Haven't caught up with her for over a week - far too long, so spent a few hours catching up. Feel quite drunk now and should really go to bed or tomorrow morning my snooze button will be doing overtime.

DAILY SUMMARY

• DAY AT WORK: Busy and generally good fun
• WEATHER: Mostly rain but not cold
• CAR: running well but chip in windscreen and bald tyre.
• DAYS 'TIL I SEE MY SISTER: 5
• GUINEA PIGS: Squeaky
  
• PANTS: Grumpy but Gorgeous