It's the most beautiful autumn morning today so I've opened all the windows and sat with my book and a cuppa in the lean-to thinking how nice it was to just be. Yesterday, I was so down about my life and today, I am feeling much more at peace with the world.
Yesterday, I had the overwhelming feeling that my life so far has been a nothing. I haven't managed to have a big career and I don't have a family. Lou is getting married and Lynne has got an even better job and Cara has a beautiful little girl. I can honestly say, that the prospect of a career and all the stress and pressure that goes with it doesn't seem like a great way to live. But I do feel that I want to do something valuable. Amy is a midwife - not many more jobs that are as important as bringing a new life into the world, are there? Ah poor me! Get the violins out.
I know that the grass is always greener and this morning as I sat in the peace and quiet of my lean to I realised how lucky I am to have a roof over my head, a job and a supermarket where I can pick up some food. I'll never be a rich person unless I have an amazing wind fall - unlikely. And that doesn't worry me. But I don't want to be on my own anymore. But what I would really like is to have the peace and quiet while I wait for the rest of my family to wake up and come downstairs to have breakfast. Andrew always says that we could have a baby tomorrow, but, even after all this time, there are warning bells with Andrew. Still haven't met his friends or his family. My intuition tells me that there is something wrong and I'm not generally a suspicious person so I'm going to pay attention to it.
From that paragraph it would be easy to imagine me as a person who keeps themselves to themselves, but even though I enjoy my own company, I also spend alot of time with friends and have as much of a social life as I need. Pub in the evenings, guitar lessons and meeting friends for coffee.
A friend died last week and it's it's funeral on Tueday. The friend died at home. He was fine one week and then the next week his sister finds him dead in his flat. There was no protracted period of illness but he was alone. However much of a positive spin you put on it, death is always sad. I don't want to be someone who is alone. I want to share my life and Andrew is so keen and I don't want to let him go because, for the first time I am fear the prospect of being alone. I'm sure that's not just my fear though. No one would wish for that.
I think everything always seems fine from the outside. I'm independent and happy with my own company. I think the only solution to my current low, is to pick myself up and sort myself out. If I want to do something valuable, then I need to get on and find something of worth to do! And with that, I'm off to have a shower and then off to the shops to tick of number off number one on my list.
DAILY SUMMARY
Yesterday, I had the overwhelming feeling that my life so far has been a nothing. I haven't managed to have a big career and I don't have a family. Lou is getting married and Lynne has got an even better job and Cara has a beautiful little girl. I can honestly say, that the prospect of a career and all the stress and pressure that goes with it doesn't seem like a great way to live. But I do feel that I want to do something valuable. Amy is a midwife - not many more jobs that are as important as bringing a new life into the world, are there? Ah poor me! Get the violins out.
I know that the grass is always greener and this morning as I sat in the peace and quiet of my lean to I realised how lucky I am to have a roof over my head, a job and a supermarket where I can pick up some food. I'll never be a rich person unless I have an amazing wind fall - unlikely. And that doesn't worry me. But I don't want to be on my own anymore. But what I would really like is to have the peace and quiet while I wait for the rest of my family to wake up and come downstairs to have breakfast. Andrew always says that we could have a baby tomorrow, but, even after all this time, there are warning bells with Andrew. Still haven't met his friends or his family. My intuition tells me that there is something wrong and I'm not generally a suspicious person so I'm going to pay attention to it.
From that paragraph it would be easy to imagine me as a person who keeps themselves to themselves, but even though I enjoy my own company, I also spend alot of time with friends and have as much of a social life as I need. Pub in the evenings, guitar lessons and meeting friends for coffee.
A friend died last week and it's it's funeral on Tueday. The friend died at home. He was fine one week and then the next week his sister finds him dead in his flat. There was no protracted period of illness but he was alone. However much of a positive spin you put on it, death is always sad. I don't want to be someone who is alone. I want to share my life and Andrew is so keen and I don't want to let him go because, for the first time I am fear the prospect of being alone. I'm sure that's not just my fear though. No one would wish for that.
I think everything always seems fine from the outside. I'm independent and happy with my own company. I think the only solution to my current low, is to pick myself up and sort myself out. If I want to do something valuable, then I need to get on and find something of worth to do! And with that, I'm off to have a shower and then off to the shops to tick of number off number one on my list.
DAILY SUMMARY
- WEATHER: Cool, still and fresh. Lovely!
- GUINEA PIGS: Clean and fed
- MOOD: Thoughtful
- BOOK: Continental Drifter - Tim Moore
- TUNE ON GUITAR: Good Riddance (Time of your Life)
- ON THE CARDS FOR TODAY:Shopping (Boo) Cleaning the Bathroom (boo also)
- KNITTING PROJECT: Scarf for childs Christmas Pressie
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